Ok, so let's go back to around July of last year. . . we were in the throws of summertime. I do most of the groceries and supplies shopping for the family. Mostly because that's part of my "job" as stay at home mom/wife and I have the time to do so. But partly because my husband cannot be trusted to do grocery shopping, or heaven forbid, get supplies at Walmart. He usually comes home with around 95% correct on the list and many items that weren't on the list to start with. So, first off, let me place the blame squarely on his shoulders. Now that we have that out of the way. . . on to the story.
My husband is shopping for supplies at Walmart. He, as usual, wonders down an aisle with items that are not on the list. The candy aisle. He comes home with something similar to this:
Remember I said similar to this. This particular bag of gum is just 1lb. What he really came home with back in July was a 3lb. tub of this America's Original 3 cent bubble gum.
It's very astonishing to me that I do not weigh an absolute ton. I have very little willpower when it comes to foods I really love, chocolate or other sweets, etc. Especially when they are sitting in my pantry right in front of me. You see, I don't put things like this on the shopping list because I know myself. I will consume it. Very quickly. Without thought to what it will do to me.
My husband, on the other hand, is not like this. Many times he will buy something he thinks he wants at the store and then he lets it sit in the pantry and eventually forgets that it's even there.
When I saw this tub of gum I realized I hadn't had any of this yummy 3 cent gum in years. So, looking back and doing some figuring in my head, over the next three days I consumed it all. There were 90 pieces of gum in the tub. My husband probably only consumed about five pieces. The rest was all me. I probably averaged around 28 pieces per day. And, to show you the depth of my sickness, it was not consumed a little here and a little there all day and night long. Here's where you will probably look at me differently now. Here's what I love to do with this 3 cent gum. Get a huge glass of skim milk with ice in it and a whole handful of the gum, sit down at my computer and just chew and drink. I only chew each piece for a short time. . . just long enough to get the sugar out and then I go on to the next piece. Now, keep in mind, I'm drinking ice cold milk too. (yes! i know that is ODD ODD ODD!!) What do you think ice cold drink does to that gum. . . makes it concrete hard, right? Right.
One night I distinctly remember my husband offhandedly mentioning that I sure was going through an awful lot of that gum as he reached in the pantry to grab his measly one piece. Of course I never commented.
Near the end of the three day binge of gum chewing and milk drinking I remember thinking to myself that my jaws were very sore. DUH!!!!!!! GOOD GRIEF!!! You would have THOUGHT sirens would be going off in my head. But, no, I continued to chew and drink until the tub was empty of all gum and I could happily give the nice container to Chase Parker to play with.
In the next couple of days my jaw REALLY began to hurt. Other things started happening too. But only when I would lay in bed at the very end of the day to watch tv. Paul and I would be laying there watching a show and I would get the distinct feeling that there was a lump in my neck. There was no pain in my neck, just the feeling that there was a lump about the size of a baseball. I remember sitting up in bed and feeling all around my neck and, of course, making Paul feel my neck too. I couldn't feel anything on the outside, just the inside. So, I diagnosed myself with starting to get a cold. That must be what it is. Several days went by. . . a cold never came. By this time the entire left side of my head felt like it was full of cotton balls. If you drew a line down the center of my face the entire left side was just plain weird. Even my HAIR hurt on the left side. I am not joking. By this time I was staying up late on the internet trying to figure out which brain tumor I had. Paul was getting furious with me because every single night after the kids went to bed I would make him examine my head and neck. He kept telling me it was my ear. Or my sinuses. Or a cold coming. He felt nothing unusual on the outside. After days of enduring this I started having a new symptom. . . extremely sharp (the kind that will make you fall to the floor sharp!) pains in my left ear AND my left temple. Yep. . . this drove me over the edge. I was sure I was dying. The next day I immediately called Tallahassee Ear Nose and Throat and scheduled an appointment. I told the nurse how critical it was and they got me in right away.
Now, you have to realize something. . . when I was young I had a cholesteatoma in my left ear and had to have extensive surgery. Nothing in my left ear is real. It's all fake and rebuilt. So, I've had chronic ear "problems" over the years. Nothing major. No infections but just static sounds, a little hearing loss, etc. I am supposed to go once a year to get it checked and cleaned out.
At the ENT visit with Dr. Postma I attempted to tell him all the weird symptoms. He looked at my chart and chastised me for not coming in to get it cleaned or checked for 2 years. So, before he even looked in my ear, he felt that was the problem. Ahhhh. I began to calm down. What a relief.
That relief was short lived.
He looked in my ear and said, "wow! it looks amazingly good to not have been checked or cleaned out in two years." I started crying. He was really confused. I told him that I was upset because this did not explain my horrible symptoms that I had been having. What came next was ridiculous. He basically just told me to "take two weeks and try not to think about it". I was too shocked and upset to get furious. But, I did after the fact. Did he REALLY tell me it was all in my head??? He sure did.
I went home, worried as ever. Convinced as ever that it was a brain tumor. But, by now the sharp pains had subsided somewhat. That was good. Nothing else was getting better though. Started being dizzy and the feeling of the entire left side of my head being full of water was as bad as ever. That visit to ENT was on a Friday.
On the next Sunday I woke up and we started getting ready to go to church. The sharp pains in my ear and head started again. I immediately called CHP Urgent Care and they told me to come in. I was bound and determined to not leave their office until I had answers. The doctor there was so patient with me. I went through ALL the weird symptoms. He told me he really thought something was going on with my sinuses. So, he ordered a sinus xray. Again, I felt relief. No one had mentioned a brain tumor, yipppeee!! Down the hall to X-ray I went. Had it done and came back down the hall to wait for the doctor to give me results. He came in all smiles. Told me I had absolutely perfect sinus cavities. I immediately burst into tears. Again, doctors are confused when they give their patients good news and the patient burst out into tears. After getting myself together I told him that SOMETHING was not right and that I was not leaving until I had answers. So. . . he ordered a neck x-ray. I was adamant about SOMETHING being in my neck even though he felt and felt and felt and couldn't come up with anything. So, back down the hall to X-ray I went. Saw the same guy again for this xray. I guess since I had a perfect xray the last time he was confused as to why I was back. During the neck xray he even asked me. . ."is there something you feel that I need to look for in a particular area?" That sent chills down my spine again. . . I knew he had found nothing! So, back down to the doc office to wait for the results. Again, great news. All clear in the neck. The doctor finally told me he thought it was my ear. Even though he had already checked it and did not see anything odd or find any infection or fluid. He then brought out this contraption I had never seen before. He stuck it in my ear and he said marine waves were going down there to check things out. It beeped and he told me that it read that I did indeed have an ear infection. Again, RELIEF! I do remember mentioning that I had a "fake" ear and wondering if it gave that kind of reading because of that. He thought not. He was convinced it was an ear infection. In hindsight he really just wanted this crazy chic out of his office. So, I was given two prescriptions which I promptly filled and started downing that day. And to my great relief, over the next few days, the symptoms got DRASTICALLY better. No more half head filled with cotton balls feeling. No more sharp pains. No more lump in neck. The only thing that remained was the dizziness. And, it remained and remained even after the antibiotics were gone. So. . . you know it! I was back to having a brain tumor.
I scheduled yet another visit with ENT. However, this time I told the woman I never wanted to see Dr. Postma again. I wanted someone else. She scheduled my visit with Dr. Soto of their office. I went in and immediately liked him. Even after hearing the long (yes, I know this story is VERY long readers!) weird story he was still listening to me intently. After my story he simply asked. . .
"Do you chew alot of gum?"
My first answer was no. Because I don't usually. Then, as he was explaining why he was asking me that question, the memories of those glorious three days of gum chewing and cold milk drinking came rushing back into my mind. With a vengeance. He saw the look on my face and stopped talking and asked what was wrong. I'm sure my face showed that I REALLY did not want to have to tell him the truth. But, I did. It was ugly. His face did so many weird things while I was describing my three days of sin. He let me finish and then let me have it! "What were you thinking? Why did you do that? How does that even TASTE good?" He really let me have it. Really. To the point of saying if he ever sees me at the grocery store or Walmart he is thoroughly checking my cart. He told me never never never never never chew that gum again.
He then went on to tell me what was happening. I had completely worn out my jaw and the muscles on the inside. I had irritated all the little working parts in my ear too. All the little tubes (eustachian tube in particular) were swollen and were not working. The antibiotics that I had been taking for my "ear infection" had not done any good in healing up this, but, rather, just days of NOT chewing gum and the fact that my muscles were starting to relax.
He said that the eustachian tube in particular must be swollen shut and not allowing any fluid to escape. Therefore my dizziness. My ear was not equalizing pressure. So, after telling me he had never treated anyone in his life for this, he wrote me a prescription for nasal spray. He said the spray would reduce the inflammation and that hopefully I would see some good results. However, he warned me that it could take quite a long time. I started on the spray and, thankfully, it did get better. Not all the way better, but much better. I kept on keeping on with the spray until it ran out. When I went two or three days without it I felt horrible again. After getting back on the spray a little relief came. So, I was trying to be patient and remember that Dr. Soto said it would take a while. After a couple of months I called his office again. I explained that things were better but not well. The nurse told me again, it takes a LONG time. . . keep taking it. So I did. I have for MONTHS. It is still not well.
So, yesterday I went to Dr. Soto again. I am tired of feeling dizzy every single day. He put me through a series of tests to determine that yes, fluid is still there, and no, the nasal spray is not taking care of the problem. He now has given me the only other offer he has. Surgery. For a tube to be inserted. Yes, just like the little babies and toddlers get. All the paperwork they gave me explaining the surgery is geared towards children. I am, indeed, the only 39 year old to have ever had tube surgery scheduled most likely.
But, hey, after months of dizziness, I don't care! I will happily jump up on that small surgery table probably covered with Barney and Friends and put my SpongeBob gas mask on for general anesthesia with great joy! I am ready to be fluid free and back to my normal self. My surgery is next week and recovery time is short. I should be back to myself by the end of the surgery day. I will, however, milk it with the hubby. I am looking forward to being lazy if only for one day.
So there you have it. . . one of the absolute dumbest things I've ever done. And, you now know exactly how strange I am. At least I should get a little respect for being self confident enough to admit this and share it with the world, right?
I'm sure there are really no lessons for anyone to learn here. What am I going to say?. . . "remember not to chew 90 pieces of gum with cold milk or else!"
Enough said. My fingers are tired tired tired and I'm sure your eyes are too.
